This snippet is only 6 sentences long.  I couldn't find a way of making it have eight sentences and be neat.

A continuation from last week, they had traveled into a city, traffic had slowed, and Justine just jumped out of the car and disappeared into the night.

I stared at the open door as it smacked forward and bounced back, not quite closing. I had to remind myself to close my gaping maw, catching flies and all that. I looked around but I was stuck in heavy traffic, cars on all sides and no parking in sight. I looked back at the sidewalk but she was already gone, her dark clothing allowing her to disappear. Shit. This was bad, very bad.

Read the serialized version of Forever After from the beginning: Chapter 1.

Photo credit: tbone_sandwich / / CC BY-NC-SA

3/30/2013 09:49:17 pm

Interesting snippet.
And I see you're offering "Forever After" as a serial.
Is the serial version getting much action?
I've got a serial in progress, too.

3/31/2013 12:02:55 am

Intriguing snippet. Nice description.

3/31/2013 01:31:54 am

Intriguing snippet. Makes me want to know what will happen next.

3/31/2013 02:00:49 am

Intriguing and oh so frustrating for the character left in the car. Terrific snippet!

3/31/2013 02:04:50 am

Very easy to visualize. Thanks for sharing!

3/31/2013 02:07:36 am

Flows so nicely. Like his reaction there at the end:)

3/31/2013 02:50:35 am

curious to know what's going on, yes very visual

3/31/2013 03:29:41 am

Nightmare scenario being left in traffic with no chance of finding your vanishing passenger. Terrific snippet!

3/31/2013 03:56:07 am

loved his frustration.

3/31/2013 04:53:21 am

I can sense his frustration.

3/31/2013 08:24:23 am

Very intriguing. Now why did she jump from that car?

3/31/2013 10:18:52 am

On no! Not only has she vanished and left him frustrated, but she didn't close the door.

3/31/2013 05:11:28 pm

Interesting snippet and the POV is quite intriguing.


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